Week 4 at Chimala

It's hard to believe that four weeks at Chimala have come and gone. Time is such a strange thing! My time here has passed by so very quickly, yet I feel like I've been here my whole life. I wish I could explain how much this trip has grown and changed me, but I don't even think I know for myself. So much has been crammed into four weeks with not much time to process. Being a nurse requires the ability to still function even in the midst of grief, and I know I've learned a lot about the mix of taking time to grief losses yet still caring for the sick people that God has placed in front of me.

No class, team meeting, or story from previous years of this trip could have prepared me for the deep experiences I have lived here. While all of those things help and I am a believer in preparation for a trip like this, one can never fully prepare to hold a sick child's hand while they take their last breath. God has shown me so much grace in the way that He has provided His strength for me, day after day. He has given me the external and internal resources I've needed to keep going and I am grateful.

This week started on a very sad note. Monday I was on peds ward. Kaitlyn and I made rounds with Ms. Bingham and saw a very sick baby who had a huge, distended, tight abdomen and was retracting. He had come to the hospital the night before with diarrhea but his Mom said that he had been sick most of his life on and off. He was 8 months old but only weighed 5 kgs (11 pounds). We gave the baby a bolus of fluid and I got to drop my first nasogastric (NG) tube on him. We placed the NG tube to help release some of the pressure in his stomach. Kaitlyn and I took this little one under our wing and stayed with him and his Mom most of the day. Around 2 PM, he spiked a fever over 105 degrees F. His breathing got worse and we thought he was on his way out. We put him on oxygen, unwrapped him, and began tepid sponging him to decrease his fever. We did this for about 2 hours and got his fever under 100 degrees F, which is still not great but much better than it was previously. We sang to him about Jesus and prayed over him with his Mom before we left for the afternoon. We didn't want to leave, but we figured it would be better for his family to spend some time with him alone and we would come check on him later. We checked on him Monday night and his status was about the same- still on oxygen but his temperature was better and there was still some contents coming out of his NG tube, which was helping his abdominal distention. Before morning devo on Tuesday, Kaitlyn and I went to check on him and he looked about the same. We were hopeful that maybe he was going to get better because his condition had not gotten worse over night, especially after he scared us so badly on Monday afternoon.

Tuesday took a very different turn than I expected. Katy and I were assigned to be on male ward for the day, but I spent a total of 20 minutes there all day. It started off like any other day and we were ready to make rounds with Dr. Black. Dr. Black told us he was going to go check OB real quick to see if there were any possible c-sections because he was in charge of anesthesia for the day. We were waiting for him in male ward but got impatient so we decided to go check on a little premie baby in OB who had been born a few days before. We walked in to find the baby and noticed that another baby had just been born who was not crying or breathing. The nurse put the baby on oxygen but the baby had no stimulus to breathe. Katy and I hopped in, put our gloves on, and started resuscitating this baby. She didn't have a heartbeat when we listened, so I started compressions and Katy bagged her. After a few minutes she had a good, strong heartbeat but still wasn't breathing on her own, so we kept bagging her. We sent Melanie to go get Ms. Bingham to check  out the situation. We told her we had been bagging the baby for a little over 30 minutes and she said it was time to stop and see if the baby would breathe on her own. Her heartbeat remained strong, so Ms. Bingham continued working with her and after a little bit she began to breathe. While all of this was going on, Kayla found a different premie baby who was sitting in a little bassinet in the labor room. She picked up the baby and realized that the baby had a very low heart rate and was on the verge of death as well. Once Ms. Bingham took over the other baby Katy and I were working with, we picked up the baby we originally came to check on and found him cold and barely alive. We had three babies who all needed oxygen and resuscitation and we only had one concentrator. Katy and I began to resuscitate the baby and it helped but not for long. His heart rate increased and his color got better for a short time, but he was in need of help that we could not provide. He hung on for about 20 more minutes, which he spent in the arms of his Mama (previously he stayed in the warmer in the labor room to help regulate his temperature since he was so small). Lauren and I sat with the baby and his Mama, prayed with her, and held her hands while her child took his last breaths. Around that time, the baby Kayla found also died. We lost two in a matter of minutes. I went to check on the baby Ms. Bingham was working on and she was breathing on her own, but was having constant seizures due to the lack of oxygen she had at birth. We handed this baby over to her Mom so she could at least hold her before her baby passed away. We weren't sure how long she would make it. It was a very sad and quite traumatic morning.

After lunch I went to check on male ward and the nurses said there wasn't much to do, so Katy and I went to peds ward to check on my baby from the day before. His fever started rising again and his breathing got worse. He began to gasp for air and then he would wait about 5 seconds before taking the next breath. The break between breaths got longer and longer and he died around 3:30 PM Tuesday afternoon. Kaitlyn and I were both there, along with his Mom, Katy, Lauren, and Kate. He had his little fingers wrapped around mine until the very end.  Watching him die was so hard, but it was an honor to be with him as he transitioned from this earth to the Lord. It is frustrating to know that at home, this baby would have a complete work up with countless tests, medications, and surgeries, yet here we ran out of options. As Ms. Bingham says, "where you live determines whether you live." Unfortunately, this baby was a perfect example of that statement. We were not quite sure what his problem was, but we did all we could with the resources we had and gave that baby the best chance at life. It was really easy to feel defeated after Tuesday, but God reminded me once again that he holds the keys of life and death and that he was he one now holding the three children that had passed away. It was not ever my job to heal them, only to show them Jesus by the care they received from my hands. I believe that was done and I rejoice in the fact that Jesus has overcome death and it has no hold on us or those sweet babies. They are perfect in every way and with Jesus forever! Praise God for His promises.

On Wednesday, Kaitlin and I went on a mobile clinic to a Masii village. It was one of the neatest experiences and we felt like public health warriors! The ride to the village was an adventure in itself. Kaitlyn and I rode in the back of this truck that was covered in a tarp. We thought the tarp would protect us from the dust but boy were we wrong! When we got to the village, Margaret, one of the nurses who came with us, came to the back of the truck to help us out and just said "pole sana" (I am so sorry!). I'm pretty sure we looked a few shades darker due to the layers of dust that was caked on our faces and extremities. Mamas and babies began to show up from out of the woodwork when we arrived around 11:30 AM. The Masii women all have a distinct look to them. They are all very tall and thin and all wear similar dresses. Once we had about 70 children there, we began to weigh the babies. We brought a scale and hung it on the roof of the building and each Mama had a little sac they would put their baby in. They took the handles and hung the baby on the scale. It was the cutest sight ever! So many babies with their little cheeks pushed together! I couldn't handle it. Kaitlyn and I recorded all of  the weights on each child's card. After, we helped Margaret with the prenatal checks for the pregnant women who came to the clinic. We looked for anemia (paleness in the conjunctiva of the eyes), edema in the legs, fundal height, presentation of the baby, and the fetal heart tones with this little wooden funnel thing (sorry, that is the best description I can come up with). Margaret was so much fun to work with and was a great teacher. Next we gave immunizations to the children. We gave oral polio, oral rotavirus, and injections of PENTA (tdap) and PCV (pneumococcal). We made some babies not very happy but it is so important for these children to have protection from diseases that are preventable. Wednesday was such a needed break from the hospital. It was so good to see happy, healthy babies that were chunky and growing! I was reminded about the advantage of simplicity and the importance of relationships when I saw the village members sitting together under a tree, sharing food for lunch. They live in community and help their neighbors. It really is a beautiful way to live. We had a wonderful time with them!

Thursday and Friday were slower days at the hospital, but they were good for tying up loose ends before we left on Saturday. Katy and I helped deliver one baby girl on Thursday morning. She was healthy and beautiful! I absolutely love getting to hand over a healthy baby to the Mama and say to her, "hungara, Mama!" (Congrats, Mama!) Thursday afternoon I helped move some supplies we still had at the house to the storeroom at the hospital (which they call the stoo). We went around and visited with some of the staff at the hospital like the x-ray technicians, the lab technicians, and some of the nurses. It's been so neat to see the way that the staff has brought us in and worked so well with us. While our training may be much different than theirs, we have worked together to accomplish a common goal. I've really grown to love and appreciate the work that the doctors, nurses, and other staff do to manage the cases at the hospital. Without them, we would not have the opportunity to come and have this experience. We come to help for one month, but 12 months a year these people are working hard to give the best care they know. The language barrier has been a problem at times and has caused some confusion, but I love seeing the way that relationships were still formed.

Friday morning I was on female ward, and surprisingly enough, it was pretty quiet which is really abnormal for that ward. Katy and I got to spend some time giving extra care to an older women in traction due to a broken hip. Our group has started calling her bebe (which means grandma in Kiswahili). She was admitted before we came so we got to see her smiling face each day at the hospital. Katy and I noticed that she had some dry skin around her cast so we ran up to the house and grabbed some lotion and we got to give her a "spa day" African style! Patients at the hospital never get shown care like that because family members are responsible for bathing and cleaning their loved ones. I think it meant a lot to her that we noticed and did something to help her. I had also set a goal for myself to start one more IV before I left, and there was a new admit to female ward right before lunch so  I got to start an IV on her. It was a great way to end my time at the hospital! (Before this trip I was terrified to stick anyone. This trip has been a great way for me to gain confidence in my ability to perform nursing skills.)

Friday afternoon the staff at the hospital threw our team a going away sherehe (party).  Dr. Mehengie (the head doctor), Emani (the head nurse), Cheryl (the missionary in charge of the hospital), Chad (another missionary at Chimala), Bernard (the head administrator at the hospital), Dr. Black, and Ms. Bingham all spoke. They served food and sodas to us and then gifted us each with a new kitenge. Dr. Mehengie called each of our names, one at a time, and we came up and were met by a Tanzanian staff member from the hospital. They tied the kitenge on us while everyone else in the room sang a Tanzanian song. I loved looking around at all of these faces who were once strangers and were now good friends. At the end of the party, they had us all line up and each staff member came through the line to tell us goodbye. We took lots of pictures and called it a day. It doesn't seem real that our time at the hospital has come and gone so quickly. It has been four weeks crammed full of loving, learning, and adapting to situations that I found myself in. I loved the creativity I was forced to find within myself to make procedures work with little supplies. I loved having the time to sit at a patient's bedside to be a listening presence. I know when I am a real nurse, there will be little time to provide that type of care due to high patient loads and constant charting that must be done in America. I pray that when I'm a real nurse in America and abroad, wherever The Lord leads me, that I will implement the lessons I've learned here. I want to be a nurse that cares for the whole person, not just the physical part of someone. I've learned how to do that here, even in the midst of a big language barrier. I am so thankful for this experience and the lessons that I hope to continue learning from this time I've spent at Chimala. There is so much processing that still needs to be done, but I know that God will guide my transition home. It's so comforting to know that He is the same in Tanzania as He is in America, and He promises to be the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

We left Chimala on Saturday morning to drive to Dar Es Salaam. We drove from western Tanzania to the eastern coast, which was a beautiful drive! I loved seeing all of the different landscapes that are present in this country! We saw flat land, mountains all the way in the clouds, desert places, and green, lush trees and shrubs. I'm surprised by the number of Palm trees here! We stopped half way on Saturday at a hotel and went on a half day safari this morning (Sunday). I loved the way that the park was surrounded by mountains. We saw giraffes, monkeys, elephants, impalas, hippos, a variety of beautiful birds, crocs, and even a lion!! It was a great way to decompress and enjoy the beautiful creation that God made.

Tomorrow and Tuesday we are hanging out in Dar Es Salaam. We are visiting the beach (Indian Ocean, holla!) and doing some souvenir shopping. We start our journey home on Wednesday and I am set to arrive in Houston on Thursday afternoon. Please be praying for a safe journey home.

Thank you for keeping up with my experience in Tanzania. I have received so much encouragement and am thankful for you. Whether you supported me financially, through prayer, or both, I have felt so loved and you have shown me the face of God by your support and partnership. Thank you, thank you, thank you and may God bless you today and in the days to come.

Chimala Week 3

What a week. It has been filled with sadness, joy, mourning, loss, laughter, and pretty much anything else you can think of. There have been ups and downs, upsetting moments, frustrating moments, and the biggest moments of blessing.

Monday I was assigned to work on the female ward. It started off like any other day with morning devo at the hospital, the clinical meeting, rounding with Dr. Black, and assessing patients. I was working closely with the Tanzanian nurses and administering medications, removing IVs for patients who were getting discharged, and using my assessment skills to ensure each patient was stable. I started another IV on my first stick which was really exciting! Starting an IV on dehydrated patients can be a challenge at times. Dr. Black discharged a lot of patients that morning, so many of the beds had been striped, but not yet remade. Right as I noticed that, about ten people were brought to the hospital after a bus crash. Some patients were more severely injured than others, but we were running around the female ward trying to make beds so we would have a place to put everyone. It was chaotic. Once we made a bed, someone was placed in it. Some patients were bleeding and needed stitches but there was a line for the minor theater (minor surgery room). One of the ladies kept asking about where her child was. There were visitors crowding the ward concerned about our newly admitted patients. This same chaos was going on in male ward too, so we were all busy and needed more help. I helped clean out a woman’s wounds who had pretty severe road rash on her right shoulder, arm, and hand. It was so painful for her, but we cleaned out her cuts and dressed them. Melanie and Ginger were going around giving each victim a tetanus shot. Our team really worked as a rapid response team! I was proud. We were all working together to ensure that each patient was receiving the treatment they needed.

Monday was also busy with new lives being born into the world. There was a pregnant momma on her way to the hospital, who ended up delivering on the road. She had twins who were both very very small. She brought the twins into the hospital and both needed to be in a NICU because they were both less than 1 kg and could not stay warm, feed, or breathe properly. The smaller twin ended up passing away Monday afternoon. The girls and I wanted to fight for life for the second baby and decided we were each going to take shifts on Monday night to make sure the baby was fed through the NG tube, on oxygen, and warm. The second baby ended up dying Monday night around 1 AM. Kayla woke me up at 1 AM telling me the baby had passed away and that I didn’t need to get up for my 3 AM shift. The rest of the night I didn’t really sleep. How can you when you get news like that?

On Tuesday Katy and I went with Mrs. LouAnn and Mrs. Reely to Mbeya for the day. We needed to get groceries and some other supplies to get us through the rest of the week. It was a wonderful break from the hospital and I loved getting to look out of the window at the beautiful mountains and fluffy white clouds on the ride to Mbeya. We ate lunch at a hotel with wifi so I was able to call Jacob and catch up with him a little bit. That was definitely a huge highlight of the day! I miss that boy and the joy he brings to my life. An exciting/hilarious moment of Tuesday: we were at the market in Mbeya buying fruits and veggies and we were about to leave when Nyenye, the man who drove us to Mbyea, says to Mrs. LouAnn, “I locked the keys in the car, but do not fear, someone is coming.” We all looked at each other, had to laugh, and sat on the curb while we watched this public affair take flight. Tanzanians from all over came and stood around our car while a “mechanic”, Nyenye, and some others tried to pry the car door open. Eventually we got the car unlocked and went on with our business. We all joked about how we should call AAA. TIA (This is Africa), no AAA here!

Life changed for me on Wednesday night. The day was pretty slow. Kaitlyn and I were on male ward and cared for the patients during the day. We saw an awful case of Stevens-Johnson Syndrome. Stevens-Johnson Syndrome is one of those things we always hear about as students that is listed as a dermatologic adverse reaction on almost all drugs it seems. It is rarely seen in America, or at least is rarely seen as severe as this man’s case was. The man was HIV positive, had TB, and was wasting away. He had sores all over his body that looked like burns and I could hardly stand to look at him because it hurt me to see how much pain he was in. His mom was faithfully by his side and took such good care of him. Wednesday was a heavy day already and I just felt burdened by the pain and suffering I saw. Melanie, Katy, and Ginger helped deliver a baby who they named Little Bunny because her Mama put the most precious bunny hat on her head. Pretty much from the time of her birth and on, she was struggling to breathe. You could hear her grunting from the other side of the OB ward. She was given a few shots of antibiotics and we put her on oxygen before we left the hospital for the afternoon. After church on Wednesday night, Ginger, Melanie, Kayla, Mrs. Reely, and I went to go check on her. When we arrived, her Mama was holding her and trying to feed her. Mamas here get so anxious when they know their babies aren’t eating. They may not know the specifics of medical care, but they know if you don’t eat, you die. The baby was not able to breathe and eat at the same time because she was working so hard to get oxygen. We placed her back under the warmer, put her back on the oxygen, and ended up dropping a nasogastric tube so she could be fed without wasting the energy she needed to keep up her breathing. We began to feed her with formula and she tolerated it great. We brought in her Mama so we could explain the purpose of the NG tube and how to feed Little Bunny. I loved seeing how excited she was to learn and participate in her daughter’s care. We were so thrilled by this forward progress and decided we would come back up to the house to make enough formula to last throughout the night. I felt so confident leaving Little Bunny. She was doing so well! It sounded like her grunting was not as loud and she wasn’t as fussy. I had no doubts that this little one was on the upward climb.  

On our way out, a grandmother of a newborn flagged us over. Kayla had been feeding this baby too and the baby was tolerating the food great. When we felt her face, she was burning up. We took her temperature and it was 41.6 degrees Celsius which is about 106-107 degrees Fahrenheit. Mrs. Reely went up to get Mrs. Bingham and the four of us girls took the baby over to an empty bed and unwrapped the baby. We began tepid sponging her to get her fever down. I took her heart rate and it was 84 beats per minute. I told the girls her heart rate was low. I began to listen again and didn’t hear a heartbeat. We listened for a few more seconds. Nothing. We started resuscitating her. I ran to get the ambu bag and Kayla began compressions. We each had a job. Ginger held the baby’s airway open and held the mask around the baby’s mouth, I bagged the baby, and Melanie listened to ensure that the compressions and breaths were going in. We did this until Mrs. Reely and Ms. Bingham got back. The baby’s Grandma walked over while we were resuscitating and with a smile said, “It’s okay?” We just looked back and said, “pray.” After about 15 minutes of resuscitation, Ms. Bingham finally made the call to stop and pronounced the baby dead. I’ve seen dead babies before. I’ve known babies that have died before. This was my first time to lose a baby that I was personally working on. The hardest thing to do was to stop resuscitating and accept the fact that this baby was dead. It all happened so very fast. I just knelt on the side of the bed and stroked the sweet baby girl’s forehead. Ms. Bingham told the nurses, who told the family (mainly because they spoke Swahili, otherwise we would have told them). With tears, I went to the grandma and said “pole sana.” (I am so sorry.) All she could say was, “Asante. Asante. Asante.”  (Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.) The Mom said the same thing. I couldn’t believe how fast it all happened. The baby was alert and looking around and then she was dead. We prayed with the Grandma and Mom and then we walked back to the house with heavy hearts. Ms. Bingham thanked us for the work we did, reminded us that we did all we could, and told us how proud she was of us. I just kept replaying the Grandma’s response of thankfulness in my head. That will stick with me forever.

We came back and mixed the formula for Little Bunny. My eyes were hurting and puffy, but I was excited to go back and feed Little Bunny another feeding to make her strong. We were so hopeful that this baby was going to live! The four of us girls (Ginger, Melanie, Kayla, and I) walked back down to the ward about an hour later to take the formula. We walked in and there was no baby connected to oxygen. My first thought was that the nurses took the baby off of the oxygen again (they tend to do that). One of the nurses walked up to me and said, “Pole sana. Baby died.” We all said, “yes, we are so sorry” (thinking she was talking about the previous baby). She said, “no, two baby died.” We were all confused. We spent about the next 10 minutes going back and forth about which baby died because we could not bring ourselves to believe that Little Bunny died so quickly after we felt so confident in how she was doing. The nurse walked us over to Little Bunny’s Mom to show us which baby had died. We all did not believe it but began to piece the story together in our heads. She took us back into the labor room where we saw two dead babies covered in chitenges under the warmer. Unreal. Not two in one night. It was too much to bare. We went over to the Mom and just sat with her. We held her hands, expressed our sadness and sorrow as much as we could in the 50 words of broken Swahili we speak, and prayed with her. She, too, said, “Asante. Asante.” (Thank you. Thank you.)

I didn’t get to sleep until about 2 AM Wednesday night. My mind was racing and my heart was sad. I wasn’t sad for the babies. They are complete and with Jesus in heaven. They never have to face the suffering and pain of this world. Their lives of 1 and 2 days consisted of meeting their family and being held and loved. What a joy and privilege it was to get to love those children for the majority of their lives. I was sad for the Mamas who had carried their precious little girls for 9 months and had to part with their babies after such a short meeting. I was broken for them and the way their lives would change, especially in a culture that doesn’t give credit to a life until it has a name. Many times, a baby will not be named until they are weeks old because then the family knows the baby is here to stay. To us as Americans, we name the baby the second we know the gender of the baby before it even has entered into the world. No matter if the child has a name or not, I know those two mamas felt the grief and loss of the life that had passed because they had a special bond with those baby girls. How could you not have an inseparable bond when a baby grows inside of you?

Kayla woke me up at 4 AM on Wednesday night/Thursday morning to help in a c-section that Dr. Paulsen got called in on. Instead of just the one c-section we expected, we ended up doing 3 c-sections Thursday morning. We were in surgery for about 4 hours. I helped Kayla resuscitate the babies in the first two and I scrubbed in on the third. I first assisted, which was awesome! That is definitely an experience I would never have as a student in the states. Dr. Paulsen was so patient with me and my lack of experience in the surgical setting. The baby that was delivered in the third c-section was very small. He weighed 1.7 kgs and Katy named in Dave (like David and Goliath. Also, that wasn’t his real name, just what all of us students called him.) He was struggling to breathe and was put on oxygen, like many other babies we had seen this week. He ended up dying on Thursday afternoon. When it rains it pours. That makes five for this week.

Friday was a day of redemption for my spirit. The idea of Jesus ransoming me from my sins clicked when he gave me the most incredible opportunity. The man I talked about before with Stevens-Johnson Syndrome died, so when I heard, I walked over to the male ward and approached his Mama to say pole sana (I am so sorry). I had spent some time with her previously in the week, so she knew me. Before I could get the words out, his Mama fell into me and started crying. I just hugged her and kept saying pole sana, pole sana, pole sana. She said thank you, thank you with tears rolling down her cheeks. Kaitlyn, Ginger, and the nurse took the body out to the morgue and I stayed with his Mama. I helped her gather her things and then I went outside of the hospital to sit with her. I had no words, but I was silent with her. Kaitlyn and Ginger came out and we prayed with her, sat with her, and held her hands. She started asking about how much she owed the hospital. Kaitlyn, Ginger, and I went to the accounts office to see about the hospital bill. While we were waiting for them to figure out the bill, the three of us started talking about how God had pricked each of our hearts to pay this woman’s debt for her. The bill ended up being about $60, a cost that she would not have been able to afford on her own. Some members of our group pitched in to cover the bill for her anonymously. We paid the bill and told the account manager that we wanted him to tell the woman that her debt had been paid and it is a blessing from the Lord, not from us. On our way out of the hospital, we saw the account manager coming out to tell the Mama. We hid behind a big truck that was parked next to the hospital and watched the most beautiful thing happen before our eyes. I saw the account manager kneel next to Mama sitting on the ground under a tree. I don’t know what he said, but I saw her eyes look up to heaven and she raised her hands in the air and started saying loudly, “Yesu Kristo, Yesu Kristo, Asante, Asante, Asante.” It was the most beautiful image of thankfulness and humility. Kaitlyn, Ginger, and I walked around the corner and were amazed at what we saw. With teary eyes, we talked about the beautiful image of thankfulness we saw and how that image parallels with the way Jesus ransomed us from our sins freely. Do I have the same response to Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross for me? I will forever replay that image in my head.

We were reading Isaiah 55 and then it started raining IN JUNE IN AFRICA! That never happens. We just sat there in the rain, in awe of God and his power. I’m sure people who drove by thought we were crazy, but we just wanted to take it all in. Having the opportunity for God to use us in such a way was powerful and moving. Previously, Ginger tried to play some music on her phone but it would not connect to the internet. After it started raining, her phone just started playing “Saviour King” by Hillsong. We all just started laughing because we were just amazed at how we experienced God in that past hour. Each detail that happened was perfectly planned by Him. He is so sweet to us! We danced in the rain, sang, and prayed. We started heading back to the house for dinner when we saw a complete rainbow over the mountains! It was the perfect ending. We looked back toward the hospital and saw the Mama at a distance, gathering her things, and getting into a vehicle where they loaded up her son’s body. We watched from a distance as the vehicle drove away. This Mama was free to grieve her son appropriately without the burden of her debt. God used us in a big way to bless her life and I saw God in one of the clearest ways I have ever seen Him that day.

Saturday a group of us went to hike Kimani Falls. It was about a 2 hour drive down a very bumpy road. We parked in the tall grass and looked in the distance and saw the beautiful, huge water fall. We spent the day outside, hiking down to the bottom of the falls and up to the top. We got to swim and bask in the glory of God’s creation. My favorite part of the day was when we stopped at the top of the falls and sang and shared some scriptures together. I loved hearing the sound of the water falling over the cliff and seeing the strength of the water. I was reminded of Jeremiah 17:7-8. “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” I was able to look at these trees planted by the stream of rushing water right in front of my face. They were so large, green, and lush. And planted in the middle of a desert! That passage will forever remind me of Kimani Falls. It was beautiful and the perfect way to end a very stressful and draining week.

This week I have learned the power of rejoicing with those who rejoice and mourning with those who mourn. The way that this culture grieves can be challenging for me to understand because they tend to hold their public grieving until one time when everyone is together and then they wail together to share their grief. I have cried with a lot of Mamas this week. No matter if that is “culturally appropriate” or not, those Mamas have seen Jesus in the way our group showed compassion and love, including the way we grieve when a life is lost. They know we have done everything in our power to keep their baby alive, and they express gratitude and thankfulness when we give them bad news. Never in my life have I rejoiced with a Mama as I handed over a new, healthy baby to her, and in the same day cried with a Mama as her new baby just died. I’ve learned that being willing to grieve with families helps build relationships, and the kingdom of Heaven is found in relationships. This whole trip I’ve been yearning for relationships with the people here, which I’ve found to be hard due to the lack of consistency in the job we’re doing. I’ve learned that relationships are formed when you are willing to sit in the pit with people. While this week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life, it has been easily the most fulfilling week I’ve ever experienced in my life. God has been the most real to me in the deepest, darkest places. Being willing to sit in the pit with others is not pleasant or fun, but it is what we are made for. We are made to support, love, and encourage people in their struggles, hardships, and joys in life. Yes, the language barrier is a pain the majority of the time, but this week it was broken down by love. The love of God wins every day, every time.  

“Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”

1 Corinthians 15:55-58

Chimala Week 2

Chimala Mission Hospital
Chimala, Tanzania

Week two in Tanzania has absolutely flown by! As I look back, it is crazy to see how much good has been crammed into such a short amount of time. We are all much more familiar with the hospital, working with the staff, and the “normal” routine (which is a pretty relative term here!) I fall more and more in love with this work every day and see God answer prayers literally right in front of my face. If you need a boost in your prayer life, come to Africa and you’ll see miracles right before your eyes. I believe He still works miracles in America and all around the world, but I see it so clearly here. I feel so humbled each day to serve a God who can cure problems that seem like mountains. He is so powerful. And that very same God who is healer created the huge, beautiful mountains that I get the honor to gaze at each day.

This week I served the patients on the female ward on Monday, the male ward Tuesday and Wednesday, and the mommas and babies in OB on Thursday and Friday. I made rounds with the doctors, sat with patients, held hands, gave injections, started IVs, assisted in delivering new lives into this world, helped out in surgery, resuscitated a life, and prayed with and for patients a lot. The patients here are so sick because most of them do not come in until they absolutely have to. Our teachers tell us that most of the patients we see would be in the ICU back home. It is crazy looking back on my feelings before the trip and how incompetent I felt. Back home, there is so much anxiety and many nervous feelings that go along with clinicals, tests, and school in general. I love how I’ve come here and it just feels natural to be a nurse and do all I can do to help the people God puts in my path. Sometimes I am shocked at some of the things I just know to do. It is not me, but God’s spirit inside of me that guides me in all circumstances. He is so powerful and has made that so evident in my clinical experiences here.

Thursday of this week was a powerful and painful day for our group. We had a very long day. Thursday I was assigned to be in the OB ward, so I was busy helping deliver babies all morning. While I was seeing new lives being brought into this world, the rest of our group was caring for a patient who had been in an accident. She was hit by a train and was brought to the hospital. It was incredible to see the way our team came together to care for this woman who would have been placed in a trauma center if we were in the States. Each member did their part and before I knew it the woman had a chest tube inserted, two IVs, blood hanging, fluids running, both legs splinted, and so much more.  After all was said and done, the woman ended up passing away. I walked into the ward to check to see if there was any way I could help, right as she was dying. I stood at her bedside and all I could think was, “I wonder if she knew Him.” I couldn’t answer the most important question: Did this woman know Jesus?

I don’t know this woman’s situation or anything about her family, but this question has been on my mind since the accident on Thursday. If these patients don’t know Jesus better because of their interaction with us, what is the point? It is really easy to get discouraged when I can’t speak the language and there are so many things I want to say, ask, and share. Do they know Jesus better when they go home than they did when they arrived? In these feelings, I was reminded of John 15:5 when Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bares much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” Although I may not be able to have a visible picture of the fruit that is born from the work I do, Jesus promises that if I stay connected to Him, fruit will be born. I trust that He is so much more powerful than any language barrier, cultural difference, or communication difficulty and I trust that He will take my offering of service and use it how He wants to. I just pray that the patients I interact with see an image of Jesus in the way I love them, their families, the staff at the hospital, and my team. This is definitely a question I’ll continue to chew on in the days and weeks to come.

Thursday night after the loss in the morning, Dr. Paulson was called in to do a c-section. Kayla and I went with him to take care of the baby after she was delivered. Long story short, there were some major complications with the surgery and we struggled to keep the Mom and baby alive. After the baby was delivered, she was not breathing. Kayla and I worked together as a great team and began to breathe for her. We bagged her for about 30 minutes, and it wasn’t until we stopped and prayed out loud that the baby began to breathe on her own. We saw her little tummy start to rise and fall on its own and I think I peed a little. See what I mean? Prayers literally answered right before my eyes. The baby still hadn’t moved or cried but she had a great heart rate and was breathing on her own. That is a miracle! We took her back to the nursery to put her under the warmer and continue to stimulate her to try to get her to move and cry. It wasn’t until we stopped a second time to pray out loud that the baby moved for the first time. Kayla and I high fived I think. We were so excited! We continued on, a few minutes later, prayed out loud again, messed with the baby’s oxygen and she started crying!! Miracles right before my eyes. Momma and baby are still at the hospital but are improving. God is so powerful and he answers prayers.

Every day here is like going on an adventure blind. I never know what each day or hour will hold. We are never sure when a new patient will be admitted or someone will come in needing emergency surgery. I am always able to look back at the end of the day and name a handful of ways that I saw God, whether it be through an answered prayer, a new relationship, a healed case that seemed impossible, or a characteristic of God that I saw in someone he placed in my path. I love that each day is an adventure and that this life forces me to rely on the strength that God provides for that minute. And the next. And the next. He is so faithful to give me what I need for the tasks he puts before me. What other time would I ever be able to say that I helped deliver seven babies in two days or that God used me to resuscitate a life. All I know is that I don’t have that power. He is the only explanation and I am so thankful for the things I’m learning and the many many ways I am being challenged daily.

Some of the sweet newborns that have entered the world in the past two weeks!

First week in Chimala

Habari za mchana (Hello and good afternoon!) from Chimala, Tanzania!

It seems almost impossible that I have only been here for a week. It feels like I have been gone from home for a lifetime. The travel over here ended up being quite complicated. I left my home in Houston at 6:15 AM on Thursday morning (5/15/14) and at 9:45 PM on Thursday I was still in America. Our flight out of Dulles ended up leaving 4 hours late, which made us miss our connection in Switzerland. We arrived in Zurich around 11:30 AM Zurich time, so the airline provided us rooms in a hotel until we could catch the next flight to Dar Es Salaaam, Tanzania that was leaving the next morning. We got an unexpected afternoon to go explore Zurich, so Melanie, Katy, Kayla, Kate, Ginger, and I took the train into the city and explored Europe! We had a wonderful time and definitely made a lot of funny memories. We eventually arrived in Tanzania and then flew from Dar Es Salaam to Mbeya the next day. We arrived at our final destination at Chimala Sunday afternoon and we have been going full speed ever since.

Sunday night after we arrived, we went to church at the Mission. Of course, my heart was touched by the singing I heard and I was encouraged by the welcome the church gave our group. They had us each go to the front of the church to introduce ourselves. At Chimala, they have a primary and secondary school, so at church there are tons of kids who come from the school. After church, we were all stormed and surrounded by so many children who were eager to make new friends. Those children were such a sweet blessing the Lord sent my way. Until that moment, my heart was aching to see the babies at the Haven. It seemed like a bad dream to be so close yet so far. God used those children to change my perspective and allowed me to have hope that this experience was going to be just as beneficial and rewarding. There were four girls who played with me the whole time after church and eagerly asked when we could play next. Their names were Nya, Loveness, Giftness, and Happy. They are all 12 years old and full of life, energy, and love to give! I look forward to seeing them and getting to know them better over the next month.

Monday morning we hit the ground sprinting and didn’t look back. Ginger and I were assigned to care for the children in the peds ward. There are four wards at the hospital- peds, female, male, and OB. Since we have 8 students here, they split us up into four groups of 2 and we are spending two days on each ward and then we switch to the next ward. This week I spent Monday and Tuesday on peds, Wednesday and Thursday on OB, and Friday on the female ward. It is absolutely unbelievable to look back over the past five days at the hospital at think that we delivered 36 babies, performed numerous surgeries, set bones, changed a huge number of dressings, taught so many patients, learned as many Kiswahili words as we can fit in our brains, and so much more. We were thrown into the beautiful mess that is healthcare in the developing world. It sure is a different world that what we experience in America.  

In the past five days, we’ve experienced so many different emotions such as the pure, giddy excitement of delivering a baby into this world, being the first person to hold a new life, and handing a new baby to his or her mom for the first time. We’ve also experienced loss and death. Way too much for my liking. We’ve heard mourning and wailing from families who lost loved ones, yet they are so thankful to us for trying to help. On Monday morning, I saw a father carry his dead 4 year old out of the ward on his back to prepare him to be buried. I had to turn around to control the sorrow I was feeling. The emotions we experience here are hard, yet God gives strength to keep going. Many of these emotions are not a stranger to me. I’ve experienced many of them in previous trips, yet this time it is so different. I am the one that is providing health care instead of just watching from a distance. Earlier this week I was journaling and realized how discouraged I felt. It really is so overwhelming when you see the extent of the need here. I felt like we are working as hard as we can, doing all we can do with the resources we have here, yet I still see so much suffering, pain, and loss. I had a moment of doubt, wondering if I could really live in a culture like this one and practice nursing. How would I ever be able to handle so much suffering and not get overwhelmed or discouraged at the extent of the need? I talked with one of my biggest role models, Janice Bingham, about how she deals with this topic. In my eyes, she is the Mother Teresa of Africa. She said, “Well you know, a lot of people ask me that. I’ve felt that way before, and it can get overwhelming when you look at the big picture. I just try to look at what God puts in front of me and do for that one, and the next one, and the next one, trusting that God will put in my path just who I need to see.” How wise she is! I am so thankful that God has allowed me to take two trips with her to learn from the best. She is the greatest and I count myself blessed to be a student under her!

Here is a list of things I’ve gotten to do this week that were awesome/great for learning:

 Assisted in three c-sections.

Helped delivered 5 babies into this world.

 Hung my first unit of blood.

Gave a TON of shots.

 First assisted in a surgery for an ectopic pregnancy.

 Assisted in cleaning up a trauma case of a 3 year old girl who was thrown off a motorcycle.

 Made rounds with the doctor and assessed, assessed, assessed (of course!).

 Helped recover a woman who was hemorrhaging after having her baby.

I am learning so so so much from the nurses, patients, and doctors here. I have seen straight up miracles by God. I have seen His healing power so clearly when he heals patients who come in looking so weak and sick. He is so good, so faithful, and so powerful. I count myself blessed to get to serve and love his children here. I just want to be the best representation of Jesus I can be. I want to touch the untouchable and love the unlovable. And I also want to speak Swahili. There are so many things I want to say but can’t because of the language barrier! I trust that His power is stronger than the language barrier and that they feel His love that is greater than words.  

Continue praying for our group. We really love it here and are humbled by the hospitality that is shown to us. Pray that we can use our resources and gifts that God has given us in the ways that He wants us to. Pray that we continue to work together to serve the people who God places in our path. He knows what we need and what our patients need. I trust Him to use us how He wants to. Once again, I’m struck with the African bug. I love it here and am thankful for each day I get to wake up and serve God’s children.

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Preparing my heart for Tanzania

So I sit here, yet again, in a place of preparation. I feel as if I'm always preparing for something whether

it be tests, clinicals, presentations, and the like. I'm always looking to the next thing and too often, I don't stop long enough to smell the roses and appreciate the moment I've been given. I don't want this summer to be this way. I want to appreciate every moment and experience God grants me. 

Learning neonatal resuscitation in the practice lab at school
Preparing for our trip

I never would have dreamed coming into college that I would take three trips to Africa before I graduated. I had absolutely no idea the ways that God was going to change me from the inside out through the world traveling I would get to be a part of. In a few relatively short trips, I've discovered the place I'm most filled, the place God is most glorified in me, and the place where I find peace in the chaos. It's the places where I'm out of my comfort zone, when I'm living out my faith and not battling complacency, and when I'm loving strangers who become family that God's work is seen most evidently. I've found that place in Zambia at the Haven where 90+ babies stole my heart twice. I've found that place in the market place where it is anything but peaceful. I've found that place in the still of the night under the African stars, while living in a hut with a Zambian family. I've found that place with lifelong friends who share mutual passions. I've found that place while grieving the loss of a precious baby who wasn't supposed to die that soon. I've found that place in the feelings of being uncomfortable in the comfort of my American home. I've found that no matter where I am, I will never feel at home. This world is not meant to feel like home. Where ever I go, I'm always missing someone. Thank you, God, for the tension I feel. It comes from the beauty of loving so many people in many different places. 

As many of you have heard, I am traveling with Harding's College of Nursing to work at Chimala Mission Hospital this summer for five weeks. We have a wonderful team consisting of eight nursing students, two nursing faculty, a nurse, and two doctors. I've dreamed of going on this trip since I first heard about it at the beginning of my freshman year of college, but I never expected it to come so soon. I've always thought about it as a trip I'd go on right before I really become a nurse. It seemed so far off, and here we are, I graduate nursing school in December and it's my turn to practice nursing while serving the people of Tanzania. It's time to really put to practice all I've been working so hard to learn.  I'm getting to finally pair two of my biggest passions together- missions and nursing, yet I find myself being so scared. 

Eight Nursing Students and Two Nursing Faculty from Harding's College of Nursing
Row 1: Janice Bingham, Kaitlyn Miller, Katy McGaughy, Ginger King, Kate Parker, Melanie McIlroy, Ronda Reely
Row 2: Kayla Bess, Lauren Rogers, Kelly Donaldson
(In case you want to pray by name for us!)

I'll be honest with you. While I'm so excited to be going back to Africa, there are parts of my heart that want to go back to Zambia to see all of my dear friends and the precious babies I love. That is now one of my "comfortable" places. I would be able to go back, jump right back into relationships, and continue building them deeper. So much of me wishes I could just do that. Going somewhere new is somewhat scary and uncomfortable. I don't know anyone there. My job in Tanzania will look a lot different than last summer in Zambia. I won't see the same people every day most likely. Once patients are discharged from the hospital, who knows if my path will ever cross their's again. I'm concerned about the lack of consistency with the people I see. The doubting part of my heart asks, "Will I even be able to make a difference? I feel like I don't know anything. I lack confidence. What if I get into a situation and I don't know how to help the patient? What if…what if….what if?" This trip is uncomfortable for me, and while I have many questions, I know that this trip is just an even bigger way that God will show his power in my weakness. He will show me once again, how great, faithful, big, and good He is.

When I was on my first trip to Africa, the last two weeks we traveled to visit different missionaries in Tanzania, Kenya, and Uganda. A missionary in Mwanza, Tanzania said something that has stuck with me. Comparison is the thief of joy. How true is that? I can definitely attest to different times in my life where I've compared either myself or my situation and felt less about who I am or what I'm doing. A problem I could see happening this summer is trying to compare my experience this summer to my internship last year in Zambia. I treasure every day and memory I made last summer in Zambia. It was the best way to spend my days. When days get hard this summer, I could see my mind going there, wishing I was in a familiar place. I have no doubts that God has big plans for me in Tanzania. Why else would he be sending me there? While my heart wishes so badly I could go back to Zambia, even for a few days, I know that this new experience in a brand new place will open my eyes and heart to a different way that God is moving in Africa. I will get the chance to care for, love, and pray with patients who come to the hospital. I will get the chance to assist in bringing new babies into this world for the first time. There are so many opportunities waiting for me there, and the best part is God has been there, is there now, and will be there after we come and go. He is preparing the work for me to do. I just follow where he wants me, and this summer he wants me in Tanzania working at Chimala Mission Hospital. I am so excited to learn, grow, and experience all He is going to teach me through the people I will meet so soon.

We're T-minus 1 day away from the big day of travel! It seems hard to believe after a whole semester of meetings, planning, and talking about this trip. I cannot wait to get there, meet new friends that I'm sure will become family, and begin the work that the Lord himself has set for us to do.

Please join me in praying this summer!

For our group: traveling mercies (that we get there safely with each member at the same time), to work together as one team (especially when things get stressful), to grow together as a family.
For the patients I get to care for: for healing, for a soft heart if they don't already know the Lord, for openness to the gospel.
For me: confidence in the training I have received, trust that God will be right beside me in each and every situation I may find myself in, a heart full of love for every person I meet, patience with myself as I try to learn some swahili (patience with the language barrier), a healthy body!

(This is a video to show you where I'll be flying! 4 legs of the flight, please pray for smooth connections and traveling mercies!)

Thank you for your prayers! I'll post again when I'm on the other side of the world! :)

Week 7!

Here’s what has happened since my last post:

Last Thursday and Friday we spent the whole day at the Havens. I spent time at all three houses feeding, playing, rocking babies, changing nappies, just a typical day of a Haven intern. Thursday I was able to take Joel and Busiku to therapy at the clinic. I pushed them in a double seater stroller and loved the hear Busi laugh on the way there. Joel fell asleep. Just perfect. Both of them. At therapy, I got to help Joel walk for about 20 minutes and then helped stretch Busi. Ba Francis (the physical therapist) absolutely adores Busi and calls her his first born. Seeing the way he worked with her was really neat. After therapy, I pushed them back to the Havens and then helped feed at Haven 2, helped with toilet time, and then attempted to help get them down for a nap. That never really works though because all the little boys think it’s so funny to scream my name, hop out of their beds, just so I will go pick them up and put them back in bed. It’s a vicious cycle, but I love everything about that little game. After, I ate lunch in Haven 2 and then spent some time rocking babies at Haven 1. Hanna and I took Meleele and Aaron in the stroller over to Eric’s House to see the new puppies that were born. They didn’t really like them, but it was a fun outing, nonetheless. We had language class at 1500. It’s been so great to see growth in kids throughout the past 7 weeks. After, I helped feed dinner at all three houses and then we came back to Meagan’s for dinner, and then we watched a movie with the ACU interns. Friday looked pretty similar to Thursday. Arrive at 0900, play with Haven 3 kids on the veranda, then go to Haven 2 to play with those kids, help feed lunch at Haven 2, help with toilet time, help put down the kids for nap, Haven 1 to rock babies, Haven 3 to see Nelson (who is gaining weight nicely!) then play time in the afternoon in the play yard with Haven 2 and 3 kids. I helped feed dinner at all three houses and then we celebrated birthdays! In Haven 1, Richard and Louisa turned 1, in Haven 2, Joel and Ruben turned 3 and Cathy turned 2, and in Haven 3, Michelo turned 2 and Petra turned 1. They got birthday cake and all! Friday nights we are always rushing because we have roughly 1 hour to go home, eat dinner, and be back at the Merritts for singing at 1900. Also on Friday night, Meagan moved Florence home to her house. She is the sweetest baby girl. We loved having her around. Singing was great as usual. I help George, a little boy from Eric’s House, and then loved the fellowship afterwards. Friday night we came back and Hanny, Coco and I went to climb the storage bins to look up at the stars. The stars here are so beautiful. Those moments took me straight back to two years ago. I’m glad I got to relive them again.

Saturday morning we got up and headed off to the Mongiela’s house to put the finishing touches on the new house. All of the Eric’s House boys had come out too, which was a lot of fun! Lushomo, Choolwe, Kurt, and Jessie have been so much fun to play with and get to know. Knowing they have a complete house and can rest without worrying about falling into the fire makes me so grateful that we were able to do this. We hung some curtains to separate the rooms and prayed over the house with the family. That has been such a great experience that I’m so thankful I got to be a part of. After, we went into Kalomo one last time, ate at El Pantano (a local restaurant) and then went to the market. Then we went out to the Stone one more time for another sunset, which was beautiful, of course! Saturday night the ACU interns came over for a movie. Spending time getting to know them has been so great!

 

Kurt and Choolwe in their new room!

Sunday we went with Meagan to Farm Church. The farmers around Kalomo and surrounding cities come together about once a month to worship together. It’s a really neat ministry that is going on. Church was at this couple’s house about 30 minutes away. It was a really great experience and I’m glad I got to be there. They had this trampoline built into the ground at their house so Meagan and I went and jumped and it was so fun! After church, we went to Mati’s house for lunch. Mati works in Meagan’s house and has become a dear friend to all of us. She cooked rice and beans for us, which was such a treat and so yummy! Sunday after lunch we came home, played some games, then went and got babies from the Haven to bring home for the afternoon and to take to church with us. I brought home Vera and poor girl had a bad ear infection. You could just tell she didn’t feel well. We still had a really great afternoon together, but since she was fussy, Meagan kept her at home during church and I took Florence. Flo did great during church. I was so sad it was my last service there. After church, we took the babies back to the Haven and I stayed the night at Haven 3. I got there around 20:30 and minutes after I walked in, the power went off. The aunties ate dinner by candlelight and I sat and talked with them during dinner. All the babies were sound asleep!  I helped wash the dishes and then we folded laundry. After, we watched some TV and around 23:00 we slept. I loved being there just to see what life for them is like on the night shift. We woke up at 04:45 and began to bath babies. Then we got ready to feed them breakfast. I walked back to Meagan’s house around 06:30 when the sun was rising. It was a perfect walk and I just felt God there the whole time, walking right by me. The sun was rising, the birds were chirping, and I just kept thinking over and over again, “His mercies are new every morning.” I’ll remember that walk back forever. It was one of those moments where I just knew He was there with me. I talked to Him a lot about my fears and uneasiness on leaving this place and I know He listened.

Our family picture after church on Sunday, missing Kamri, but Baby Florence is a new addition!

Monday we spent back at the Havens and the day went by so fast. The day looked similar to the others. Monday afternoon we had language class and played with “motas” (motors…little cars). After tea time, I took Leo out to swing with me. I just wanted to savor every moment. I helped feed at all the houses and then we came home, played some cards, and talked for a good while. Around 00:30, Meagan decided she needed to take Florence to the clinic. She was vomiting every thing she took in, so I went with her. She ended up being okay and was started on some medicine, but during that time, Meagan and I were able to have a really good conversation about life and my dreams and I was reminded once again how much of a blessing she has been to my life. I am really thankful for her advice and the fact that she took the time to talk to me until 2 AM. I want to be like her when I grow up! Such a blessing to my life this summer that girl.

 

My Leo boy and I

Tuesday morning came very very fast and the day passed very fast too. I spent the day going to each house, making sure I told each one I loved them, and taking some pictures that I already hold onto so tightly and even more so when I get home. The goodbyes started on Tuesday night. We said goodbye to all of the night aunties and then to the Eric’s House boys, Cintia and Jason, and Kathi and Roy. I had a melt down Tuesday afternoon when I was able to talk to my mom on the phone. Leo was in my arms and I was able to put the phone up to his ear and she got to talk to him. My world from back home and my world from this summer came together and I just lost it. It was one of those moments where I knew in no way was I ready to go home but I of course miss my family and can’t wait to see them. Mom was so sweet and encouraging and once I got my crying out I was okay. I played the rest of the time with the kids in the play yard and then fed once last time, dinner in all three houses. I just realized how much of a home this place has become over the past 7 weeks, even more than it was when I got here for my second time on June 12. Cintia drove us back to Meagan’s after we said goodbye. We ate dinner together one last time, and of course played cards. Then we started packing around 2300, and between packing, bathing, and writing some last minute notes, I didn’t end up going to sleep until around 0200 again but it didn’t even matter at all.

Wednesday, this morning, I woke up and knew it was the day that I would leave, but had peace that only came straight from the Lord. We got the car packed up, said goodbye to Mati, and then headed to the Havens one last time. I started crying even before I walked inside. I said goodbye to all the aunties and babies in Haven 1, then I went to haven 3, and then ended in Haven 2. I thanked each auntie and kissed each baby’s face and attempted to say I love you through the crying. When I was walking from Haven 1 to Haven 3, I had this flashback to saying goodbye two years ago when I was leaving. It’s just one of those feelings when you know you have loved with your whole heart, so tears aren’t necessarily a bad thing. It just shows me that I gave it all I had. Of course I hated saying goodbye, and no part of me was ready to leave these people that I’ve grown to love so much. I said goodbye to Leo last and cried through that one, not surprising at all, but I just see how far this boy has come. Remembering Leo from last time and seeing him this time is just a huge testament to God’s faithfulness. He has grown, is talking, is running, is playing, and he’s a normal three year old boy. God has sustained him and I know he will continue to. I trust in that truth. Usually when I put Leo down after holding him, he throws a fit (it’s just part of that three year old boy thing!), but today, I put him down and he willingly stood up, smiled back at me, and I told him I loved him one last time. We left the Havens and I gazed out the window on the drive down the dirt road leaving Namwianga. What a blessing this summer has been. There aren’t any words to describe how thankful I am.

So I’m here on the plane from Johannesburg to London. It’s 4 AM, but I can never sleep on the flights. Now that I’m this far, going home is getting more exciting. I can’t wait to hug my parents, go visit family in Alabama, and see my sweet boyfriend in 12 days. There is so much to be excited about and thankful for. Of course, I’ll miss my home in Africa. I’ll miss the way the Haven 2 kids would scream my name. I’ll miss Leo running up to me with arms raised right when I walked in the room to ask me to hold him. I’ll miss Seth, Memo, and Momo’s singing. I’ll miss Lincoln’s hilarious laugh. I’ll miss Joy-lo’s sweet smile when you greet him. I’ll miss seeing the kids grow and accomplish new developmental tasks. I’ll miss Vera and the way she talks and smiles from gum to gum. I’ll miss hearing the kids respond, “GOD DID!” when Meagan asks, “Who made you?” I’ll miss rocking sweet babies and knowing I’m holding a miracle right in my arms. I’ll miss Topher’s laugh and Jacob’s smile. I’ll miss Candace and her precious self and Petra’s squealing. I’ll miss seeing Nelson grow into a fully functioning boy. I’ll miss Popo, Tracy and Irene running up to me as I walk in the haven 3 door. I’ll miss living in Meagan’s house with these girls I now consider family. I’ll miss the fun nights we had and the laughs we shared. I’ll miss so much about this place, and I know I’ll have days when I ache for this place and these people, but I have peace, knowing that I loved with all I have this summer and am changed because of it. I have peace knowing that God promises to hold my heart through it all. I have peace knowing He has a plan that may or may not include a future in Africa, but whatever it holds, it will be perfect and I’ll be right where He needs me. He’s given me peace through the goodbyes and tears. He is so good to me all the time. His love endures forever. And His faithfulness has been shown to me in huge ways this summer.

Thank you, God, for my time at the Havens when you allowed me to share the love You’ve poured in my heart on Your precious children. I trust You as I go back home. I trust You’ll walk with me every step. And I trust You have perfect plans for me there. My heart is grateful. 

Week 6!

It’s so hard for me to even remember what all has happened since the last post. Life has just gotten more and more busy it seems. Saturday, July 13, we kicked off our building project for the Mongiela’s. I mentioned them in my last post. They have five kids, 4 of whom have stayed at the Havens. Both parents are blind and the 9-year-old son leads his parents wherever they need to go. Talk about real life hitting you in the face. When I stop to think about life for these kids and this family, I am humbled. I can’t even imagine. Never being able to see the bright blue sky, not being able to see your five beautiful children, life is just so hard. We started the day digging the trench to start laying bricks but the Zambian men slowly over time took over and us five girls found ourselves outside of the trenches…haha, I’m sure they did a better job than we ever could have! We ended up clearing the land from around the area where the house would be. We were still working very hard, just a little different type of work! We of course sang and had a great time as we worked. Once they had the trench dug, we helped move and lay bricks. My favorite part of Saturday was seeing the way different people from the community and the church come out to help. I saw the body of Christ at work that day. It was beautiful. Not only did they help build, but they also fed us and made sure we were taken care of. I loved being able to play with Choolwe, Kurt, and Jessie and to see how God was using His people to provide for this family. It was a beautiful picture of the hands and feet of Jesus at work. Saturday night we had dinner over at Eric’s house with the Kumalo’s and Cathy. I’ve loved getting to know them this summer! What a blessing they have been.

Sunday morning I woke up not feeling great. I got up and got ready for church. Walked to the Johnson. Stayed through communion, but then came home because I felt awful. I slept most of the afternoon and felt some better that night. We played cards Sunday afternoon (not only is it fun, but it also gets your mind off of being sick!) and then went to church Sunday night. I was hopeful I would feel better on Monday.

Monday morning I woke up feeling worse, had a 100.2 fever, and my throat hurt so bad. I started on Amoxicillin and knew I was going to spend the rest of the day in my bed. I wasn’t so thrilled by that at all, but there really wasn’t anything I could do about it. My fever came back on Monday night. Not happy at all!

Tuesday I woke up feeling much better but still needed to stay away from the babies. I slept in and then spent most of the morning and afternoon reading. Tuesday night I was feeling so much better and was able to go out to the village to stay the night with one of the aunties from Haven 3, Ba Edinan. Meagan drove us out to her village around 1700. We arrived and she had already started preparing dinner. Two other aunties live in the same village, so we played with all the village kids (most of which were Bina Mbombo and Ba Grace’s kids) until dinner was ready and then we ate together by the front of her house around 1900. She completely spoiled us! We had nsima, beans (SO GOOD!), okra, and fried chicken. It was so good. Best traditional meal I’ve had here yet! After dinner, Bina Mbombo and her kids, Ba Grace and her family, and some others from the village came over to Ba Edinan’s and we sang for about 2 hours. I was SO happy. So content under the stars, singing with these dear friends and precious kids, and just so thankful that I was experiencing God in that way right in that moment. We sang mostly in Tonga, which was fun to be able to sing some with them but also learn some new songs. There were moments when we were sitting and singing and moments where we were up on our feet literally jumping in the air. Also at one point, we were marching around Ba Edinan’s hut. Sounds bizarre now that I think about it, but in the moment it was really fun and hilarious! We also brought some glow sticks with us, which were a huge hit with the kids. Being out in the village that night just gave me not only an appreciation for these people but once again, just the simplicity of life here.  These families are so precious. Seeing Bina Mbombo, Ba Grace, and Ba Edinan “in their element” made me love them even more and connect with them on a new level. After singing, we went into the hut for bed. Hanna and I slept on Ba Edinan’s bed, and Ba Edinan and Coco slept on the floor next to the bed. While I was trying to go to sleep, I just kept looking around at the four walls surrounding me, just thinking, “This is her life. This is her home. I come here and stay for a night and go home the next night to my own bed, but this is her home.” I am just humbled once again by the way the majority of the world lives.

 

Ba Edinan and her nieces

Wednesday morning I woke up to the kids outside the door saying our names around 0730. We went outside to play, helped Ba Edinan make some breakfast (porridge and chips..yummy!), and then we helped her with the dishes. After we went to fetch water for the day. It was about a three minute walk. On the way back, I carried the bucket full of water on my head and quickly realized I didn’t have the muscles that these women have. WOW. We came back and started to prepare lunch. Coco, Hanna and I wanted to make lunch for Ba Edinan as a thank you for all she had done for us. We made pasta, meat sauce, and green beans! It took WAY longer than I thought it ever would but we prepared a whole lunch over an open fire and it was such a fun and great experience. I really think Ba Edinan enjoyed the treat! Meagan and Michelle Broadway came out to the village to eat lunch with us, and after, the three of us girls did the dishes and let Be Edinan rest before she had work at 1700. We spent the afternoon cleaning up, relaxing, and resting under the mango tree. Around 1620, we started the walk to the Havens for Ba Edinan’s night shift. Once we arrived, we helped feed dinner to the kids and then came back to our house to take a shower, make a quick dinner, and then have bible study with our grade 8 girls.  Wednesday was a great day!

Thursday we spent the day building at the Mongiela’s. It was great to see so much progress in the house since we had been there on Saturday. We helped lay more bricks, fetch water, dig up the dirt to help make cement, smooth out the cement, fill in holes in the cement after it dried, that sort of stuff. I love those Mongiela kids more and more every time I see them! They are beautiful and perfect children! Kurt kept singing, “oh how I love Jesus” and Jessie sweetly says “I love you,” when you tell her you love her. I have been so blessed by being a part of this effort to get this family a house! Thursday night we came back and had a great dinner together, then we played the game we play most every night, Hand and Foot, the best game ever!

 

Interns + Meagan + the Mongiela kids in front of the new house!

Friday we spent the day at the Havens. We had language class in the morning and then I spent the rest of the morning with the Haven 2 kids. I ate lunch with the Haven 2 aunties, then went and held Nelson for a while. He is getting so big and is gaining weight! His cheeks are full and perfect. Around 1400, I went into town with Meagan to run some errands, and then we came back and took some of the older kids on a nature walk. I chitangied Topher on my back and brought him along! We took them to see the bunnies, around the Havens, and then over the Eric’s house to see their chickens. After, it was nsima time so I helped feed and then went to Haven 3 to feed porridge. Friday night we had singing at the Merritt’s, which is always a treat. We brought Seth, Memo and Momo with us, which was so great and really funny at times. Friday night we ended the night with a game of hand and foot! Surprise, surprise!

Saturday we went to Livingstone for the day to bring Michelle to the airport. We brought Lincoln and Leo along for the day, which was pretty much a dream come true for me! A whole day of quality time with my boy? Such a blessing! He sat in my lap the whole way there and back. We took him grocery shopping with us and him and Lincoln both were such troopers. I loved having them there. I felt like such a mom! Once we got back home, we took them back to the Havens, then went out to this place called “the Stone” for the sunset. We drove out there just in time to read a few Psalms and see the sun turn the sky beautiful shades of pink while it slowly descended out of the sky. After the sunset, we spent time in prayer together, thanking God for the summer he has blessed us with. Tears were falling and I was reminded once again how blessed I am to be here at this place with these people I’ve grown to love so so much. I also came to the realization that my time here is coming to an end quickly which made me sad but so thankful for the time I’ve been given and this opportunity to be here this summer. What a gift it has been. Saturday night we set up a projector and watched The Soloist in Meagan’s house. The other ACU interns and some others came over to watch it with us and it was really fun!

Sunday we went to church at the Johnson Auditorium, which is always great. I helped out with Children’s church, which I loved. After church, we ate some lunch and then went to the Havens to get a baby to bring home from the afternoon. I brought baby Jacob from Haven 3. This boy is the happiest baby I have EVER seen. He laughs and crawls and smiles and is just perfect. We watched Tangled Sunday afternoon, which is always a treat! Having the babies at the house with us was so great! We brought the kids to church with us on Sunday night and Jacob was being so loud and funny. I ended up having to take him outside because he was talking so much. By the end of the service he was sound asleep. There is nothing better than holding a cuddly sleeping baby. So sweet! After church we brought the kids back to the Havens then came back and played hand and foot. Do you see a pattern here? :)

 

This is Baby Jacob! Isn't he the sweetest?

Monday morning we spent up at the Havens. I helped out with distribution. Every Monday, Cyntia and Cathy distribute food, cleaning products, nappies, etc. to the different houses for the week. I wanted to see what all went into this process, so I decided to help. When I first got there, we were making piles for the different houses of the things we already had in stock like rice, beans, mealie meal, cooking oil, etc. After we did that and knew what we needed, Cathy and I went into town together to get the remaining items. I loved getting to spend time talking about her life here and how she got here. After making three different runs to the ATM and it still didn’t work, we got the things we could with the money Cathy had, and then came back to Eric’s house. After, I separated this huge 50 kg bag of rice into smaller bags so they would be prepared for next week’s distribution, then walked back over to the Havens. I saw the babies in Haven 1 for a little bit, then we left to head out to the Mongiela’s for their house warming party. When we got out to the house, the roof was being completed and we were shocked at how complete it looked! It is amazing to see the transformation and how a week ago there was nothing there and now there is a house! We fed the family and all the workers lunch and then worked some on the finishing touches. This family has a house. All glory goes to God. Monday night we feasted! We made chicken fajitas, our own chips, guacamole, salsa, and chocolate chip cookies. IT WAS SO GOOD! Then we played hand and foot and had a great last night all together.

Tuesday morning we spent about an hour at the Havens and then loaded up for Livingstone. It was Hanna and Meagan’s birthday so we planned a day to celebrate with them! We arrived around 1230, ate at this yummy place called waterfront, and then played games and shopped in the afternoon. Saturday night we went to dinner and then headed off the Victoria Falls for the lunar rainbow. These rainbows only happen a couple of times per year and let me tell you, there are absolutely no words for what I saw. I love the falls regardless. I could stay there forever! At night, it was even better than during the day! And there was a white rainbow over the whole thing. A rainbow from the moon. What?! Only God could create something like that. Wow. It was beautiful. I was amazed once again at God’s power and in awe of Him. We sang some songs together and just took it all in. I didn’t ever want to leave! When we got back to the hotel, we had birthday cake for the girls. Happy 21^st birthday to Hanna and 32^nd birthday to Meagan!

 

The five of us at the Lunar Rainbow at Victoria Falls

Wednesday was a sad day. My sweet roomie, co-intern, and new dear friend, Kamri left us to fly back to America. This whole summer we’ve been talking about how sad it would be when she left us a week early, and it felt so so weird that the moment we were dreading had come so quickly. It feels like yesterday that we arrived and now she’s already gone. We spent the morning together playing hand and foot (I think we really like that game!) and then we took Kam to the airport. We all shed some tears as we said goodbye and sent her off back to America. I have loved every minute of getting to know this girl. She is one of the most genuine, fun, loving, sweet, intentional girls I’ve ever met and I’ll miss her so much. I am so thankful that God made our paths cross. I’ve learned so much from her this summer and am a better person because of it! If you’re reading this Kam, I love you! After we dropped her off, we went to eat at Olga’s (that makes 5 times this trip!) and then went and finished our shopping we needed to do. We started the trek home and it wasn’t the same without our fourth intern. Once we got back the Namwianga, we spent an hour at the Havens and then came home to a house without power so we ate dinner by candlelight! Ba Violet, the auntie Hanna and I stayed with at the beginning of the summer, has a daughter who we got pretty close with. Today was her 13^th birthday so we decided we would surprise her in the village with a birthday cake. We went and picked up Ba Violet from work, went to the village, surprised Triver, and sang her Happy Birthday. When she saw it was us, she gave me the biggest hug! We all ate cake together and I’m so glad we could make her day that much more special.

 

Kam and I before she headed back to America

Thankful can describe a lot of what I’m feeling. Just being here is enough to be thankful. I’m thankful to get to love these kids. I’m thankful for the girls I live with and share life with here. I’m thankful for new eyes to see the world in a different way. I’m thankful to see God here. I’m thankful that He is all-powerful, constant, never changing, and the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. In the next week I’ll have to say a lot of goodbyes that I’m really dreading. I don’t want to leave at all, but I know that God will be the same at home as He is here. I know that He will walk with me through the heartbreak of leaving these people I love so deeply. I know He will be so near to me through the transitions my life will hold in the next month. So much of me wants to worry, cry, and be anxious about my life, and if I’m honest with myself, I am worried, I have cried and I know I’ll cry more, and I’ll be anxious about going home. I want to learn more how to cast my burdens on the One who gives me life. I want Him to fill up every part of my heart so much that there is no room for worry or anxiety. My prayer is that I can take God at His word and trust with my whole heart that He will show me which way I need to go.  I need to trust that those plans He has for me are perfect and exactly what He needs me doing. It seems unreal that I’ll be home in a week. Oh, how time flies. God has filled my days here with so much joy and I couldn’t be more thankful.